I have been thinking, and unfortunately, complaining a lot lately about why God is not answering my prayer. Not prayers, prayer. One single, small, minor, little thing I am asking Him for that would make a HUGE difference in my life, and that I want more than anything in the world. I know He is hearing me loud and clear, He has answered a million other prayers I have sent up since beginning to pray for this, but never this one little, small, tiny prayer. All I can think is why?, why?, why? The answer hit me like a ton of bricks slapping me in the face today. The answer is unanswered prayer.
I am not going completely off topic here, bear with me as I try to explain this the best I can..........
When we found out 2 years ago that we would have to move to Marion, let's say I was less than thrilled. Our whole life that we knew was in Findlay. Our friends, our schools, our homes, our jobs, our whole life that we have spent together. Why do we have to leave all that behind? Well, I finally sucked it up, after months of unanswered prayers, and Devin moved here to start our life here. That's right, he moved here and I was in Findlay. Reason #1 I never wanted to make the stupid move in the first place. We had to live apart for 6 months, only in our second, the shortest year of our marriage, because I had to finish school and he had to have a job. I saw him a couple weekends a month, if that. Have I told you I didn't want to make this stupid move? Anyway, the whole time I was finishing school I prayed that we could both find jobs in Findlay and Devin could move back and we could be content and continue our life there. That didn't happen. 6 months later I packed my final bags and moved into the house I hated, in the town I hated, around people I hated. Although God provided both of us with a job here (I didn't know it was God until a year later), I continued to pray day after day, night after night that we could find something else in Findlay and move back. I was miserable in Marion. I didn't know anybody here, I didn't have anywhere I could hang out and I hated life here, I hated me here. Reason #2 I never wanted to make the stupid move in the first place. I kept feeling sorry for myself for the longest time. Dweling on all the things I hated and all the things I didn't have here. In January of this year, after 6 months of absolutely loathing life, I gave up and quit fighting...........
I then created my best facebook status ever....."Since it seems as though we are going to be here a while, we mine as well start looking for a church. Does anyone have a good one they could recommend?" Seriously, this is it....word for word. If I would have known how ungreatful I was at that moment, I would have been struck dead right where I sat typing that status. A few people responded with some different churches around town and the things they liked about them. The first one on the list was Celebration. "It has upbeat music and a lot of young people attend it. I think you would like it" Sounds like a winner. I explored the website a little bit and decided it looked like a good place to try out. We went to church the following Sunday, and the following, and the following. Those people on facebook were right. It was upbeat, young people did go there, and we did enjoy it.
Now to make a long story short.......
We have been attending Celebration since January of this year. We have been baptized and accepted into the church in ways I could have never imagined. We have more family in our church than actual blood family. We have made connections that continue to build and branch out to new people every week. We are building substantial relationships with solid foundations. I love and appreciate Devin more and more each day I have him. 6 months ago I could count the people I told I love on less than one hand. Now, I can't even count how many people I tell I love on a weekly, and sometimes daily basis. Just writing this brings me to tears. There is an overwhelming joy in my heart, all the way down to my soul.
It took me too long to realize the cause of all of this.........UNANSWERED PRAYERS!!!!!!!! Now I have been asking God to forgive me every day for the ungreatful, nasty person I was for 6 months straight. Whining and complaining, praying like I knew what was best for me. So now, everytime I start to think about that one single, small, minor, little thing I am asking Him for that would make a HUGE difference in my life, and that I want more than anything in the world, I need to step back and thank him. Not for what He has not given me, but for what He has, without me even asking. God has given me the greatest gift of all by not answering my many, many prayers, and making me move to Marion. I honestly do not know who or where I would be without this unanswered prayer in my life, and it is the greatest answer I will ever get.
Where am I left now? I will continue to pray for this one single, small, minor, little thing I am asking Him for that would make a HUGE difference in my life, and that I want more than anything in the world. But now I can do it with greater confidence knowing that He will answer it when it is time, His time. Because He has given me the greatest gift of all........new life.....I am content with that.
"Remember when you're talking to the man upstairs. Just because He may not answer, doesn't mean He don't care. Some of God's greatest gifts.....are unanswered prayers." - Garth Brooks
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